he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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