are you so shy because you have an std?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
