Screwed.edu
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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