just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
FUCK WHALES
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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