frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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