You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
