Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize