Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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