if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
