He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
