I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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