I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize