I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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