i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
