I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
