The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
