i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
