you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
