Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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