Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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