Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
