i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
