i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
