Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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