I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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