life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
time to smoke my breakfast
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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