Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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