and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize