Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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