Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
