So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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