I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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