Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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