i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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