Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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