Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
