i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize