I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
