STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
