the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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