we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
