his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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