we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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