We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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