Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
