Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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