My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
smell my finger.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
