OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
