I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
