I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
