I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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