I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
