I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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