I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
