Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
