Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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