here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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