i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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