her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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