it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So much rum. So many feels.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
