can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
