I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
