two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
