Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize