i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
