Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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