Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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