White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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