Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
