Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
