Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
