Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
