Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
