so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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