she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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