Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
