That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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