I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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