she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
