I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
