i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
