Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
