her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
