Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
