One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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