It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
