Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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