At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
